What are these guys, mutant fleas? Fleas with super powers? These fleas refuse to die! Or maybe they do die and are coming back as zombie fleas. It is like night of the living dead fleas around here.
I have washed the pugs so many times in Dawn dishwashing liquid that they squeak when they walk and my fingertips look like old prunes.
I can’t sleep due to the constant scratch, thump, scratch, thump as the pugs use their short little legs to try to get at their tormentors. It is pushing us all to our breaking point.
One of the worst parts is that with all the washing and cleaning I have missed out on hours of Netflix. How will I ever get those hours back now? Darn those fleas!
I have washed, bleached and vacuumed more times than I can count and yet they still return. They are like a flea army that retreats but only goes out for more recruits and returns to fight again.
Did I mention that I am a recovering germ-a-phobe? No, well I am and this is giving me a major setback. I think I may need to find a Germ-a-phobic Anonymous meeting very soon.
Today I gave up and called in the big guns. Yes, I called my vet. With great embarrassment, I admitted that I apparently was a horrible, irresponsible pug owner. What humiliation. I cannot defeat a mere flea? Oh my pride.
But apparently I am not the only person with this Fleapocalypse in town, for they knew just what to do. And while I left with $$$ on my credit card, I was, however, armed to the teeth with weapons to fight the encroaching flea army. They even wrote down step by step instructions along with lots of encouragement to get me through this battle.
I rush home and cover the pug pills with peanut butter and give them Step 1. A super, duper flea zapper. For 24 hours it will kill any flea residing on them. So outside they go for four hours to de-flea. I start the first of MANY loads of laundry. Then on to Step 2-spray the house. Of course, I didn’t try to open the windows until I had already sprayed. I found I was too weak from afore mentioned spray that I was too weak to pry the windows open. So I fled in haste to the nearest coffee shop to wait it out.
Four hours later, with the charge on both my phone and Ipad dwindling, I head home to rescue the POPS or better know as the Pissed Off Pugs. And yes they were definitely POPS. I add another load to the washer and let in the POPS. They are still scratching, but patience, patience.
Tomorrow morning, Step 3, the POPS get yet another bath. Then its drying time again, for some reason these little pugs take forever to dry and they are terrified of a hair dryer. So tomorrow evening they will get their new flea/tick collars, Step 4, that set me back a grocery trip, but its worth it.
Step 5, I vacuum the house and since it freaks me out a little, I am going to just toss out old vacuum and all. Why chance it?
Step 6, Sunday morning, I once again vacuum with new vacuum cleaner that I have since had to buy. Clean the house from top to bottom AGAIN. Put more loads in the washer AGAIN.
By Sunday evening, I will either:
A. Be victorious in my fight against the Zombie Fleapocalypse
B. Have the cleanest house this side of the Cumberland River
C. Be passed out from exhaustion
D. All of the above.
I am hoping for A and B, and know for sure I will be C.
So Fleas, I have come prepared to fight. The battle lines have been drawn. Give up now, before any more of your comrades sacrifice their lives in this futile battle. I will not give up, I am taking back my house!